For many nights, I have dreamt of you. Funny dreams, heartbreaking dreams, weird dreams lol. Cinderella believes that the things you dream of are all the things that are in your heart.
Subconsciously. Knowingly. Either way, I dream of you. I'm not so sure what that means anymore. I know I love you. . . .
"If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever"
You will always be my friend, always means forever. There isn't much of a difference between the two. Always. At all times, at any time, forever. Forever. For everlasting time, eternally, at all times, always. If you will always be my friend, that should mean i will have you forever. But if I love you. . .would that change anything? I can sit here and wait, until i find out. . .
"Waiting for you, is like waiting for rain in this drought; useless and disappointing."
That can be very true. Waiting for you can be useless and disappointing, as well as heartbreaking and brainwashing. But with that in mind, I still wait. I think my mind has gotten used to my heart overpowering, and now just won't think straight, won't think rationally about anything I feel anymore. I think my mind has grown tired of thinking of all the possibilities and outcomes, and would just rather follow my heart wherever it goes. I think my mind has realized the heart will always win.
"Listen to your heart."
They say listen to your heart for the main purpose that your mind and heart will NEVER agree. Your mind will always counterpoint because it knows the fears you have inside. Your heart has no boundaries, it knows no fear, except that of which it will be broken. Your mind is there to tell your heart not to love someone because it can get broken, but your heart will love them regardless. Your mind knows all the things that can happen, your heart doesn't have a care, all it does is love. All the running, all the drifting away, all the fears that stop you; comes only from your mind. Your heart is never afraid. All the walls and barriers built around your heart, are made by your mind.
For far too long, I've loved with my mind and not my heart. My mind has tried so long and hard to convince my heart of all the fears that are written on the walls surrounding it. My heart can read only you, and the more chapters you allow me to look in to, the more my heart fights to love you. Every page i turn, every word, expression, action i read, my heart beats stronger and faster, anticipating what's next.
"Love is a book, full of both truth and dare."
Loving you, is a dare. It's like a double dog dare. Why do they call it "double dog dares" lol...idk...buh anyways...
Yeah, loving you is a dare, and the journey to fulfilling that dare would be truth. My ways of loving you---truth.
"He loved her, and he would love her until the day he was too old for loving---but he could not have her. So he tasted the deep pain that is only reserved for the strong, just as he had tasted for a little while the deep happiness."
I know I love you. . . .but i cannot have you. You are not mine for the taking. So I'm left with the choice to leave like my mind wants me to, or stay like my heart desires. I damn near promised you I wouldn't leave, and you made it a point to remember that if I leave, you'd do everything in your power to keep me there. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you will always be there. So if I leave, right there will be you.
Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It just makes you feel empty, which is why you don't want me to leave. So if you don't want me to leave, and my heart doesn't want me to leave, why would my mind tell me to leave? Could it be because my mind is reading you differently than my heart is? My heart is blocked by many walls and gates, so there is a possibility that it can miss a lot and skip over plenty of words. But my mind is deceitful. It plenty times has convinced my easily influenced heart to do things that weren't right. And has bashed my heart when it didn't get its way.
"Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere."
Giving up shouldn't be an option, but it is a good idea if loving you is a waste of time. If I don't give up, I could end up somewhere, couldn't I? Or maybe I will juss end up nowhere. I have to get back in the habit of loving with my heart---not my mind, because I think my heart is right this time; not wanting to leave. Not giving in to my minds wishful thinking. My mind wants me to leave, my heart wants me to stay. . .I'm gunna make sure my heart wins this battle. And I will have my heart continue fighting, always and forever.
I love you with all my mind..? No no no....I'm loving you with mi corazon.
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