Saturday

Venting

Sighhhhh. I love her. I love her not. I love her. I love her not.

For someone I love so much, she sure knows how to make me rethink the reasons why I love her. Always leaves me thinking why I bother.

"If you're gunna hurt me, then do it quickly."

If you know that somewhere down the line you're going to hurt me, if you know that eventually you're going to fck up, why bother? Why still put up with me? Why not just leave now? You don't want me to leave, DON'T GIVE ME A REASON TO!!! You don't want this to be the end, DON'T GIVE ME A REASON TO MAKE IT BE!!!!!

You have fears inside. You're starting to do the same exact thing I used to do. STOP allowing your mind to over think everything. It's only going to make things worse at the end. You're loving with your mind. STOP IT! Don't do that to yourself. It makes everything hurt more, you should listen to me, I'm one to know. You're ignoring you're heart. I understand you're confused. You love me, you love him. I get that you don't know which one you're better off with; but STOP getting in the mind state that something is going to go wrong. If you think negative, sweetheart that's all that will happen.

"Love, so many things I've got to tell you. But I'm afraid I don't know how, 'cause there's a possibility that you'll look at me differently."

Why can't you accept the fact that I like you? Why can't you accept that me liking you is not going to change? You don't want me to like you, just because you don't want to hurt me. You can hurt me, that is true. But that's a part of loving someone.

"Loving someone is giving them ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to."
Your goal isn't to hurt me, then why tell me that eventually, that's all that will happen? You'd be the one to let that happen. You have the power to hurt me. I'm trusting you not to. If you want to lose my trust, go right ahead---hurt me already. Yes, I know that we will fight. I know we will want to bite each other's head off at times. But that's not the hurt you nor I are fighting over now.

I love you very much, but the things you do sometimes just makes me want to leave. Never to return. I honestly don't want to do that. Don't make me. I'm not saying that the reasons I leave will be all at your fault, but the things you say, the things you do; they influence that decision more than you may think.

I have no idea what to do with you. The people I turn to tell me that there's nothing I can do. As a control freak, you can't imagine how much that drives me insane.

If you feel the way you do, let it rock. Don't think about it. Let your heart take care of things. Don't put your mind to do unnecessary work. That's what you're doing at the moment, you should know that. I'm not saying don't think about anything you do, don't think so much about it that you feel the need to just drop it. Feel the need to just drop me.

Stop thinking about it. Just feel. Just love.

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