I Remember: Little Did I Know

"It's not like love at first sight. . .it's more like...gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore, she does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her. . .you become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend. . ."

Love at first sight, no longer a possibility for me. For some reason it just doesn't exist in my nature. But the very day you waltz into the classroom, I felt something. I remember it was something I shouldn't have felt so I looked away, kept to myself. You came to me. You hugged me, didn't let go. At least not until the teacher started to complain I wasn't doing my work. I went to sit down back at my computer. I remember my body was very sore, you attempted to sit on my lap. I decided it would be best if I sat on yours instead. I felt you watching me as I did my work. I was drawing a garage floor plan. After a while of silence, I spoke.

"Sooooooo. . .wassup?!"

Casual conversation continued. A little laughter, but not too quickly was the happie ever after.

"You look like there's something you want to talk about, something on your mind."
"Yeah, there is."

You didn't really want to tell me, it was like you wanted me to guess what was going through your mind. Maybe you thought I hadn't noticed. . .your hands---traced my legs, my thighs, my lower back. Back and forth, back and forth. A smile was on your face. I was very curious as to why.

"What do you want to talk about?"

Silence.

"Umm, well, do you like someone?"
"Mhmm."
"Uhh, it's a guy right?"
"No."
"It's a girl?"
"Lol. Yeah."
"Hmm, uhh okay. Do I know them?"
"Lol. Mhmm."
. . . .
"Do I talk to them everyday?"
"Lol. I don't know, do you talk to yourself everyday?"

I remember, my reaction was funnie to you. Your laughter from that day stayed with me. Still lingers in my thoughts now even. In that moment I made a decision, the same decision I make when anyone tells me they have some type of interest in me. Usually mt decision would be to ignore it, if the emotions were true, they would come back. But you were different. In my mind, I argued. . .'I can sit here and pretend like this never happened, I can attempt to like her the way she likes me, I can leave it alone and let things happen the way time wants it to.' I decided I would try to like you. Little did I know, liking you wouldn't be such a task. I did not have to "try" to like you after that day. It just happened. Little did I know, how much I would end up liking you. Little did I know, that my heart would get so attached to you. Little did I know, my heart would never want to leave you.

I remember looking at you, just watching you. And every time you met my gaze, my heart took a trip down, to go say hi to my tummy again =0D You have this unusual control over me. How do I gain back that control? Will you ever give it back? Hmmm. . .knowing you, probably not lol. Meanie!

When I'm with you, I can't think of anywhere else in this world I'd rather be. Yeah, you piss me off, make me cry, and make me want to fxckin strangle you sometimes; but I still love you unconditionally. Compared to all the times you make me smile, and all the sensations you force through my body. All the emotions you spark back up. The end is not likely to ever come. At least not with if you stay the person you are.

More than friends, less than lovers. That works just fine for me until your heart decides where it feels most safe.