If It Kills Me

"And I was all alone with my hatred and the pain that was so bad it was like being tortured. Like being dragged slowly across a bed of razor blades. Pain so bad you'd take death with a smile just to get away from it."

Love hurts sooo bad. Bad enough to drive people insane. Bad enough to make people want to end they're lives.

"Well all I really wanna do is love you, a kind much closer than friends use. But I still can't say it after all we've been through. And all I really want from you is to feel me, as the feeling inside keeps building. And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me."

"For you....That's the strange thing. It's actually yours now. I don't know why it works this way, but I'm never gonna be able to get over you, and so from now on, every girl that I meet will be meticulously compared to you, and unfortunately none of them will be able to measure up to the false memory of what you and I once "had". Well maybe I can just keep it for a little while, and use it for small things like, I don't know, when I've had a really shitty day, or when I need someone to talk to, or if I need someone to move something really heavy, and then eventually, I'll give it back to you.....Unfortunately, it won't work that way....Why not?......Well, now that you have my heart, I'm pretty much an empty cavity inside, and for a lack of a better term, heartless. I will now treat each woman I meet with a passive aggressive contentiousness that will ruin relationship after relationship, for many years to come......."

You cannot live without your heart. If someone has your heart, you're gonna go to them; to get it back, to make sure they take care of it, or to just be there with them; because that's where your heart is. If your heart is with someone else, you're going to do everything you can to stay with your heart. Without your heart, you're dead. If your heart is happily beating in someone else's hands, your gonna leave it there. You're not going to take it and imprison it back within your ribcage. You're going to leave it there and push aside all the voices in your head. You're going to leave it there and completely ignore all the words they say that translate into "go away". You will leave your heart there in their hands. You will allow them to leave their fingerprints all over your heart from the way they squeezed so hard on it. You will allow them to step all over the chambers from their attempts to make your heart want to go away. You won't do a damn thing, because that's what your heart wants. That's where your heart wants to be. That's where your heart feels happie....for whatever reason.

"If I should be so bold, I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand."

Throw it, drop it, kick it, cut it, stab it, destroy it. It's still in your hands regardless.

"And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me.....it might kill me."

I'll try with all my might, to stay with my heart. I will swallow every word of hate that might want to slip from my lips. I will burst my eardrums just so that I won't have to hear the voices telling me to stop. I will smoke and drink my brain cells away just so that I won't have to ability to think of any reason to step away from what my heart wants. But eventually, deep down I can feel it, I will have to leave my heart behind....."it might kill me."